Cupid's Musings: Self-Improvement

If you haven't already make sure to read the first three posts. These are written to be read in order. 

Building blocks of congruency:

  Introspection

Self-awareness

Self-improvement 

Self-content 

Confidence 

Desirable personality traits 

Successful dating 

Valuable relationships 

Love 

Total Happiness

The shaping of anything beautiful takes hours upon hours of dedication and effort. The statues of Greek gods were not created in a matter of weeks or even months. They were the result of years of sweat, blood, tears, and most importantly, love. This love wasn't had for the imagining's of a sculptor, pining for attention and hoping for success. These sculptors of past became who they are remembered for by finding a love in their life. So, I ask you, reader, is there something you desire of yourself that you believe out of your reach? Secondly, do you love yourself? Are you comfortable being arrogant in regards to your self? 

If you answered "no" to any of those then why the fuck not? 

Think about it... 

We are one small mammal on a rock that exists in the perfect condition to sustain life and has done so for millions of years. This rock, OUR rock, is not even a pencil point to the rest of the universe. We are so tiny in this universe, solar system, even our society that it's pathetic for individuals to believe another's perception of them weighs one iota of a fuck. So what reason do you have not to love the FUCK out of yourself? Why shouldn't you think highly of who you are, what you believe, or why you believe what you do? Walk tall, be confident in body, mind, and voice and become what you've always imagined. This is where all of the hard work really starts. It's hard because venturing into new territory is always  an accepting of the unknown paths that we may find ourselves on, the friends we may find or lose, and the possibilities of new experiences.

In psychology there is a concept that discusses the Real Self vs Ideal self. The ideal self is what you believe you must become from society pressure, your role models, and from experiences in life. This "Ideal" self is an idea that you feel you must work towards in order to succeed in life. This idea is not one that completely forms from within. It is molded and guided by external sources and pressures. Parents, for example, give children an example of what the child should become. Career, emotions, reactions, violence, anger, love, happiness, expression, creativity, and communication can all be influenced by a parent. Raise your hand if you've ever had a time when you wanted one thing completely opposite of your parents? If you didn't raise your hand your'e either a liar or under their thumb. Neither of which helps anyone. 

The "Real" self is the little voice that guides a person towards their life loves. The first time a guitar is picked up, the beginning of a novel , the first steps of a runner's passion, or any other instant spark of attraction all tell us what our subconscious truly wants. When these two are in conflict issues will arise in all areas of a person's life. Specifically, a person's dating and social lives will reflect this internal turbulence the most. What happens, exactly? Think about a friend, or yourself if it fits, that keeps dating the same kind of person. This person is obviously a waste of time to everyone outside of the relationship but your friend, or yourself, keeps going back to them. Person A and Person B know they're wrong for each other yet they keep breaking up and getting back together... Why? Familiarity. Ever done something you knew you didn't like 100% but went through with it or dated someone anyways? Fear of the unknown is one of the driving forces to making a bad decision and continuing to do so. This becomes even more magnified when the familiar comes with redeeming qualities. Break free from the shackles of doing what you KNOW and start really LEARNING about what you do not. 

Golden Self

This mental exercise is one of my favorites and one that I have used often and give credit for much of my personal growth. This will allow yourself to begin finding purpose in every action you make. Every emotion that you feel, the friends you associate with, the life that you lead, and especially the choices you make will come into stark perspective. Once you've created this self and feel satisfied with the current version, you'll have something to work towards and identify goals that hold priority over others. No one can tell you what this golden self should look like, the qualities you're composed of, or the mannerisms this golden self holds. However, what you can be told is the process to create your very own.

*Protip: If you have celebrities that you would like to emulate then pull influence from them

1. Start out with a completely blank slate version of your self as you are today. 
2. How does your Golden Self look? What style would you like to have? Are you in shape? What body do you want to have? How is your hair styled? Facial hair? Body hair? Skin tone? What clothes are you wearing? What colors do you think look good on you? 
3. What about personality? How does your golden self act? What words would you use to describe your Golden, perfect, self? For myself, I would use charismatic, confident, funny, persuasive, outgoing, and respectful. Make sure that all of the traits are positive. The Golden Self is not where you put any insecurities or negative shit. 
4. Pick some common scenarios that you've fucked up in the past. How would you like to handle them better than you do now? What habits do you hold now that your Golden Self does not? Get rid of the negative ones and keep the positive ones. You only discover which ones are negative or positive by going through the introspection process. So don't skip out on that. 
5. What emotions does your Golden Self feel familiar with? This is no place for anger, depression, sorrow, regret, or anything else negative. Focus on positive ones that your Golden Self would experience on a recurring basis. 
6. Most importantly, WHY! What motivates this Golden creation? Hobbies? Career? Life's desires? Morals? Values? Everything that you can think of that doesn't fit the rest of the points. List them here and "finish" your Golden self. 

So what do you do with this Golden Self? You bring it to mind whenever you get a chance during the day. Start creating perfect body posture, facial expressions, and and words to match the person you wish to become. The more you visualize this perfect version of your self the more you will become just so. It's a dynamic process that, when done continually, will do wonders for personality transformation. 

Golden Timeline

The Golden Timeline is when you take that Golden Self and apply it to an internal timeline. This timeline has no exact dates or deadlines to meet - this is a timeline of your LIFE. Think about the things you want to accomplish, places you'd like to visit, material things you'd like to obtain, anything that comes from your Golden Self exercise. Now take everything that comes to mind and start placing them in order of what you believe feels best. Don't make it a mental exercise where you try and plan your entire life. Don't do that to yourself. Simply state some goals, put them on an imaginary golden timeline, and visualize that timeline. Make it a very vivid picture! This should have lots of emotion tied into every fiber of the visual you bring to mind. Own that visual. Become that DRIVE needed to obtain those goals.

Put aside any doubts. Put aside any bullshit (because that's what these excuses are) that "you can't make time" or "my mind is too busy" or anything that says you CAN'T do it. If you don't want to then whatever... that's on you. Either way, put aside the ego and delve deep into yourself. You'll discover a whole new world that you've never experienced. All it takes is dedication, time, and love for yourself. 

Get to it. 

The deeper you venture inside of yourself the more you will gain. The more comfortable you get in the darkest inner spaces the more you will gain. The sooner you put aside your ego the more you will gain.

~Cupid