Cupid's Musings: Attraction

Attraction: The action or power of evoking interest, pleasure, or liking for someone or something.

Synonyms: charm, appeal, attractiveness, pull, allurement.

Obviously this one is attracted.

The word attraction is one that invokes powerful images at the slightest thought. For a man, the usual characteristics come into play: ass, tits, legs, face, tits, face, ass, tits, and a dozen more ways to say "What does she LOOK like?" How is she dressed? Is she fat? Is she ugly? Would I want to bring her around my friends? Is she someone my friends would give me shit for? Men are very unforgiving when it comes to women's bodies. If a man says he doesn't care and "focuses on personality" that's because he can't get the woman he beats his dick to until it's raw and useless anyways. Ask a woman what she finds attractive in a man and her answer will focus mostly on the intangibles: confidence, personality, humor, and charm. Charm... that magical word that alludes so many whose entire goal is to be exactly that. There are book upon books, movies, actors, and numerous websites dedicated to teaching men how to be exactly that. Yet, for all of these examples why is it that so few men actually understand how to be charming? Shit, there was even a TV show called The Pickup Artist starring this clown:

Mystery: "This is called Peacocking." Cupid: "You look like a tampon that fell out of a woolly mammoth's vagina"

I will go more into why the pickup community is mostly bullshit but for now just know that this "master pickup artist" knows absolutely nothing about how to have a real relationship. He's also just as sad and lonely as the guy who sits in front of his computer playing with himself all day. Supposedly these guys get laid at will and have women throwing themselves nonstop at their feet. Possible? Sure. Even if 100 women a year were tossing themselves at these guys how many real relationships do you think they have? Zero. Guys like this have tricks to use on the female brain that simulates real attraction but at the end of the day they're only pretending to be something they never were, never will be, and can't ever be. They will never be a real man for one simple reason: they will never be able to find a real woman that doesn't hate themselves on some level. They will never be able to truly find happiness. In The Game, by Neil Strauss, Mystery is revealed to be an emotional wreck that grasps for love yet never finds it. He claims to understand attraction and all the ways to create it when speaking with a woman. Yet, he falls short when it comes time to be a real person. If the self-proclaimed masters of pickup who "understand' attraction inside and out can't be themselves and find happiness how the hell does anyone who follows their principles expect to do so?

Attraction isn't something that can be broken down into bullet points, systems of conversation, tactical choices, or Him vs Her. Attraction is a mixture of confidence, personality, humor, body language, self-content, respect, and most importantly, honesty. All of these factors have to be present in the right amounts and at the right times. Without a balance in all things failure is the only option.

The pickup community, and so much of the dating world, falls into people playing characters they believe the other person wants them to be. So it only makes sense that their followers will have the same problems as their idols. It's all too common a theme that someone believes they need to be more of themselves for someone to be attracted to them. If these people don't love themselves in the first place why the fuck would anyone want to love them? Exactly. The beginning to learning anything about dating or attraction begins within. It's when there is a cognitive dissonance between the ego and the heart clashing with what the mind has been told and what the heart feels that issues arise. Step one to finding true love is resolving these issues within yourself. In other words... you must become congruent.

In Part 2 we delve into how attraction and congruency interrelate and what that means for love, relationships, and dating. 
~Cupid