Cupid's Musings: Self-awareness

If you haven't already make sure to read the first two posts. These are written to be read in order. 

Building blocks of congruency:

  Introspection

Self-awareness

Self-improvement 

Self-content 

Confidence 

Desirable personality traits 

Successful dating 

Valuable relationships 

Love 

Total Happiness

These building blocks are not in any specific order. Yet from introspection to total happiness I believe these steps pave the road most efficiently traveled. I say efficient since nothing about obtaining happiness or improving self-worth is easy. It's a long time-consuming process that involves a lot of pain, hard work, honest assessments, and ultimately, great rewards.

Self-Awareness

In the last section, we covered the mental, conscious portion of delving into your personality. We covered exactly what goes into a person and broke down different factors that contribute to it. You've identified triggers in your past or current life that have undesirable effects on your person - or you didn't (Skipped the exercise? Go fucking do it)... and this next piece will help clear the mud to give a crystal clear picture of your Self. 

From Sir Robert Frost:

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth; 

Then took the other, as just as fair

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that, the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back. 

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.    

Hallmark and every other greeting card would have you believe that this poem is about seizing the future. However, the true meaning is that we are all faced with choices; both may be equally appealing or they may be very stark in contrast. You've trodden one path so far in life but that does not mean it can't be changed. I challenge you to take what you've learned from the introspection article and dive into becoming fully self-aware. Change your current path. Become so much more than you've allowed yourself to be.

Dedicate Your Time

Learning anything about oneself or enacting a change is never an easy process. Think back to a hobby that you tried picking up but failed because it was difficult to learn. How many failed projects lay unfinished? What about failed commitments to people you intended to keep? Perhaps there's a relationship that became serious faster than intended and scared one or both of you away? Think back on these failures and honestly ask yourself - What did I learn from them? Every mistake, failure, success, friendship, relationship (good or bad), everything in life is a lesson to be learned. When you encounter a situation about love, life, career, etc. do you have a plan? Do you know exactly what you want and how you're going to go about finding it? Do you ask friends for help or advice? Do you go to Facebook or other social media looking for some insight? Look back on all of these scenarios and take away any personal bias and honestly look at the scenarios. A trick to really figure them out is to take your point of view and say it aloud. Act as if this opinion on the matter will be told to 100 complete strangers. How do you think they'd react? Would they agree with what your view on the matter was or would they pick apart the story and point out where you are in the wrong? This is one way to really strip away bullshit from the lies we tell ourselves.

As social creatures, we humans have a tendency to seek validation from others. Whether it's from friends, family, or someone that we hold to be in higher esteem validation is constantly being sought. Think about a recent time when you asked for advice. Was it because you truly didn't know what should be done/said or was it because you wanted to feel like someone else was aware of your situation? What were the true intentions of sharing a piece of your life with someone else? I ask this because Facebook and other social sites are a breeding ground for random bullshit being posted. Ever seen someone post their entire relationship  timeline on Facebook? It's pretty funny to watch. Sad, but funny. Just yesterday I saw someone "apologize" to their boyfriend, through a status update, with a promise they wouldn't fuck up again. These kinds of actions are indicative of such a deeper root problem that I can guarantee these kinds of people are far from understanding themselves.

So what exactly does one do to fix this nonsense? With a promise. Promise yourself that you will dedicate time every day to stripping away the bullshit and finding your true intentions and desires. Promise yourself that for at least 20 minutes a day 3 weeks straight you will dedicate yourself to making a positive change in your life. Schedule this time and make it set in stone. Everyone has 20 minutes in their day to spare. Don't make any excuses since you'd only be lying to yourself - you have 20 minutes. Turn off the TV, get off the couch, and put your phone on silent and in another room. These 20 minutes are your time away from the world. Enjoy the fuck out of this time. This is your vacation, your time to be completely disconnected from the world. This is your time to learn how to love life and yourself.

Meditation

So what are you going to do with these 20 minutes? For now, a basic breathing exercise to relax the mind and body will be all you need to continue this inward journey. Before you begin, make sure to have a pen and notepad next to you. Leave it there and forget about it until after your session is done. Set an alarm for 20 minutes and get into position.

1. First and foremost, get into a comfortable position. Sitting on a chair, lying with a pillow under head and knees, or purchasing a zafu cushion set (my preferred option) allows the body to stay in a neutral-spine position and allow for maximum prolonged comfort.
2. Close your eyes and focus on your breathing. For beginners it's good to use a mental exercise to help focus. I recommend either mentally saying IN - OUT with your breaths or counting the number of breaths. ONE is a full breath in and out. TWO is the next.
3. Don't try and control your breathing. Allow your body to breathe naturally and simply observe your body's breathing pattern. It will slow down. It will speed up at times. You will sigh. You may even yawn. Just let your body do what it will. 
4. Concentrate on the way your breath feels. Does it tickle the insides of your nose slightly? How does the cool air feel as it travels through your body? Do you feel these breaths coursing through other parts of your body? Mentally follow your breath's course.
5. Continue to focus only on your breathing until your alarm goes off.

Some common issues that may arise:

• You find yourself unable to concentrate
• A song gets stuck in your head
• Your mind keeps saying you should be doing something
• A random thought will get stuck in your head
• Body aches

These issues arise when the mind is fighting to be constantly stimulated by external sources. It's what we've been taught all of our lives from day 1 of turning the television on. The mind is used to a cell phone, TV, video game, computer, social media, other people, something other than our own minds giving us stimulation. Simply acknowledge the thoughts that arise, and then allow them to slip away. During your meditation session, your mind has one single purpose - RELAX. So allow it do so by focusing on one thing and only one thing... your breathing. 

If you have body aches, make sure your body is in proper alignment. For lying positions, make sure your head has a small cushion and that your knees are slightly bent by placing a pillow under them. If you don't put a pillow under your knees it will cut off circulation as well as causing stress on the knees. For seated positions, discomfort is part of the learning process. Most people have horrible body posture and sitting straight up for any period of time is near impossible without dedicated postural correction. If seated is too uncomfortable, then start with lying down. 

One other thing... if you fall asleep while lying down then you were not focusing on your breathing. Focus on the breathing and be active in that focus. Don't just focus until you're relaxed and fall asleep. A power nap is  a great thing but not when you have soul cleansing to do.

Mindfulness

Your alarm went off? Time to get to work. While you were focusing on your breathing what thoughts came to mind? Write down everything that you can remember thinking or feeling and especially any thoughts you felt were weird or out of place. These weird thoughts are going to be the most telling pieces of your psyche.
Don't try and organize the thoughts into a timeline or anything. Write them down then begin asking yourself why you believe they came up in the first place. Over time you will find that the thoughts surfacing the most are leftover baggage from past experiences that influence you on a daily basis. At first, it may not make any sense, yet with enough time dedicated to exploring why these thoughts present themselves it will lead you to find exactly where your personality stems from. Issues you have in life, relationship problems, career decisions, everything experienced on a personal level can be puzzled out with enough introspective meditation.

Don't simply allow yourself these 20+ minute sessions to delve into the soul. All throughout your day continually ask yourself "why?" For every emotion you experience just stop and take a minute to discover why you felt that way. Positive, negative, somewhere in between - delve into the reasoning behind it. The more you do this the more you will become in tune with your true desires. Over time you will realize that little shit that used to make you furious doesn't bother you anymore. You will find new beauty in things around you and your reactions to external sources will become vastly different in the most positive way possible.

To summarize:

• Meditate 20 minutes for 3 weeks straight until it becomes a habit
• Throughout these 3 weeks, and further, continually ask why you do/think what you do
• If you skipped to the bullet points knock your shit off and go read the rest of it

The deeper you venture inside of yourself the more you will gain. The more comfortable you get in the darkest inner spaces the more you will gain. 

Stay Tuned!

~Cupid